Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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