but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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