sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We left the knife in your bed.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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