I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
