I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
