I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
