he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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