And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
