when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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