matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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