Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You should frame my arrest warrant.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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