My underwear smells like fireworks.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Randomize
