some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
