Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
