I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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