I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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