I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
