so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
