I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
