i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
