Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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