It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
