Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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