fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
