just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
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