So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
