his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
