Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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