I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
