My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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