"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
