Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
