dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just high enough for therapy.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
