I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
