Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You made out with two different species that night
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
