does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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