I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
