i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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