Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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