my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
