did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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