You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Randomize
