dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Acid is not a monday night drug
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
