oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize