i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I want a musical about memes.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
