he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize