chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
