I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
