Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
