after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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