once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
