Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Randomize
