I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
