every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
