were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
