I wish my penis had an off switch
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
