when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
