Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize