I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
