great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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