guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
