Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
