when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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