She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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