I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
