I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize