Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
