question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
